Pass The Popcorn Please

A Man of many Talents

2011-06-09T07:48:00.001-04:00

BEST VIDEO EVER!

2011-06-09T07:41:00.002-04:00

a vintage, lyrical, musical, multimedia onslaught.

Smoke on the Water

2011-01-27T21:12:00.003-05:00

"Smoke on the Water" was written in 1944 by Zeke Clements and recorded shortly thereafter by Red Foley.

There will be a sad day comin
For the foes of all mankind
They must answer to the people
And its troubling their mind
Everybody who must fear them
Will rejoice on that great day
When the powers of dictators
Shall be taken all away

CHORUS:
Therell be smoke on the water
On the land and the sea
When our Army and Navy overtakes the enemy
Therell be smoke on the mountains
Where the Heathen Gods stay
And the sun that is risin
Will go down on that day

For there is a great destroyer
Made of fire and flesh and steel
Rollin toward the foes of freedom
Theyll go down beneath its wheels
Therell be nothing left but vultures
To inhabit all that land
When our modern ships and bombers
Make a graveyard of Japan

CHORUS

Hirohito long with Hitler
Will be ridin on a rail
Mussolinill beg for mercy
As a leader he has failed
But therell be no time for pity
When the Screamin Eagle flies
That will be the end of Axis
They must answer with their lives

The Sadies - "Cut Corners"

2011-01-20T08:03:00.001-05:00

The second single from The Sadies' album, Darker Circles.
Video is directed by Rick White of Eric's Trip / Elevator fame.

"Yellow Sarong "

2011-01-20T07:57:00.001-05:00

Here's a great song by Yo La Tengo ...and some images.

"I'm going where those chilly winds don't blow"

2011-01-20T07:52:00.001-05:00

Peter Rowan & Tony Rice perform "Cold Rain and Snow"

Pre - Rockabilly

2011-01-20T07:49:00.000-05:00

David Bromberg performs "Sloppy Drunk"

2011-01-20T07:48:00.000-05:00

Public Service Announcements against the use of illegal drugs

2011-01-20T07:36:00.003-05:00

Here's the legendary Mel Blanc and his fantastic and unforgettable anti-narcotics PSA's, as 'Mel Blanc' and five of his most famous Warner Brothers cartoon characters.

Thrill to Porky at a smoky, scary drug party and being offered animal tranquilizers, Yosemite Sam searching for tough guys not softened up by hard drugs to duel with, and so much more.

Bugs Bunny Daffy Duck Foghorn Leghorn Mel Blanc himself Porky Pig Yosemite Sam

''Cooking fresh food for a husband's just a drag''

2011-01-20T07:08:00.004-05:00

In this short film, a “typical” housewife from the 1950s takes some LSD -- in the name of research-- and answers a bunch of questions.

via I Heart Chaos

Sugarplum Fairies

2010-12-25T16:45:00.002-05:00

The Duke-

Dopaminex -

The Vandals-

The Hot Toddies play "Santa Baby"... with a boozy twist!

2010-12-15T13:31:00.003-05:00

Dylan hears a who

2010-12-15T13:30:00.000-05:00

Dunlap Wants A "Vaporizer For Christmas"

2010-12-15T13:22:00.000-05:00

Humboldt State University Percussion Ensemble performs "Ionisation" composed by Edgard Varès

2010-12-15T13:20:00.000-05:00

Better Before The Broads

2010-12-15T13:18:00.000-05:00

This is a cool little jam with an allstar lineup that took place right after Monterrey 1967.

2010-12-15T13:16:00.000-05:00

Here's the lineup:
Brian Jones: Sitar and Percussion
Jimi Hendrix: Lead Guitar
Dave Mason: Bass and Vocals
Mitch Mitchell: Drums

Hot Club of Cowtown

2010-12-15T13:14:00.000-05:00

POPA AND GALEA COVER HANK III

2010-12-15T13:13:00.000-05:00

I LOVES me some Herb Alpert!

2010-12-15T13:07:00.000-05:00

"In his halls he often wondered With the secrets of the world"

2010-12-15T13:05:00.000-05:00

Surf's Up!!!

2010-12-15T12:54:00.002-05:00

‎"...the ceiling's talkin' to me, and the pisser's flushin' fire"

2010-12-12T13:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Hank III!!!

"You know I remember the 23rd of November"

2010-11-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

Don't Forget To Vote

2010-11-02T01:11:00.001-04:00

Happy Halloween

2010-10-31T13:09:00.001-04:00

"my two main men are Jesus and old John Birch..."

2010-10-13T15:22:00.001-04:00

Here's a Beat Farmers video that's sure to please Alfred, MC, and Adam.

Well let's pack up the kids and take a break, get away
Leave the hustle and bustle of living from day to day
And I know that the crime in the city is-a getting worse
So we're going on down to the gun sale at the church

Well my lady's all set to have us a real good time
Baby Johnny's got fins but he don't seem to mind
So the family's all ready to pray at the holy perch
That's set up in the middle of the gun sale at the church

Well we'll ask the lord to forgive us all of our sins
And we'll look at the latest in gold plated firing pins
Well my two main men are Jesus and old John Birch
So we're going on down to the gun sale at the church

Naughty Logos - Logo design gone wrong

2010-10-12T12:03:00.000-04:00

A collection of real logos that feature strong sexual innuendo by accident (NSFW?). Naughty, sexy, risque, raunchy, obsene, lewd and indecent logos.

Hank(s)

2010-09-24T11:46:00.001-04:00

Sr.

III

"If I have 1, I'll have 13..."

2010-09-24T11:40:00.001-04:00

What in the world

2010-09-16T16:11:00.002-04:00

The Dukes of Stratosphear was a pseudonym used by the British rock band XTC in the mid to late 1980s, concurrently with XTC's continued musical activities. The project was intended as a homage to 1960s pop and psychedelic music by groups such as The Beatles, The Byrds, The Kinks, The Zombies, The Beach Boys, The Small Faces, Jefferson Airplane, Pink Floyd and The Pretty Things.

Been Around The World

2010-09-16T15:58:00.002-04:00

Fresh Dread has been featuring some Cracker related posts. I've decided to join the party.

Unwigged & Unplugged performing Unwigged & Unplugged

2010-09-12T22:00:00.003-04:00

Unwigged and Unplugged is the guys behind Spinal Tap and The Folksmen (from "A Mighty Wind") coming out from behind the hair, the facial hair, and the absence of hair, to perform as themselves songs from both films, and more, in a rare acoustic setting. You'll never hear Tap songs less loud!This is Spinal Tap was accompanied by a soundtrack album of the same name. In the years since the film was made the actors who portrayed the band members have played concerts and released music under the Spinal Tap name.

more info

Gus n Fin

2010-09-12T21:44:00.002-04:00

Light Flight

2010-09-12T21:35:00.000-04:00

"Thinking a lot about less and less"

2010-09-12T21:31:00.000-04:00

No Skanks On Sunday

2010-09-11T22:11:00.000-04:00

Os Novos Baianos!

2010-09-05T20:36:00.000-04:00

Wonder just what's goin' on in there

2010-09-05T20:33:00.000-04:00

The Paladins

2010-09-05T20:23:00.000-04:00

This video did not cost $30,000 to make

2010-09-05T20:20:00.000-04:00

Country Medley

2010-08-22T01:21:00.001-04:00

Jerry Reed , Glen Campbell, joined by Johnny and June Cash, Merle Haggard, Buck Owens, Mel Tillis, Minnie Pearl and Freddie Hart.

Flatpickin' Time

2010-08-19T21:11:00.001-04:00

Sing it Ernie!

2010-08-19T21:10:00.000-04:00

"England's premier acoustic band"

2010-08-19T21:08:00.001-04:00

'Tull

2010-08-19T21:03:00.001-04:00

Jethro Tull live at Tampa Stadium 31st July 1976

Everyone likes a little Head

2010-08-19T20:59:00.000-04:00

The Monkees - Circle Sky (From the movie "Head") from Andre Peniche on Vimeo.

What a pretty girl -- and so talented.

2010-08-19T20:56:00.000-04:00

III

2010-08-08T13:46:00.004-04:00

"I might get drunk and rob a bank,
shoot my car if it don't crank
Burn my nose up with cocaine,
mess the wall up with my brains..."

"... I just might win, but if I lose,
hell I'll just blame it on the booze
Cause I'm just doin the best I can,
and I hope ya understand
I plan to stay, but I might go
and if I do, I told you so."

In the Shadow of Vesuvius

2010-08-08T00:04:00.003-04:00

This vid comes via Adam, by way of a comment at MC's blog.
Fasten your chinstrap.

"The Flower"

2010-08-05T17:51:00.001-04:00

The Flower contrasts a utopian society that freely farms and consumes a pleasure giving flower with a society where the same flower is illegal and its consumption is prohibited. The animation is a meditation on the social and economic costs of marijuana prohibition.

The King Khan & BBQ Show: Zombies

2010-08-04T18:42:00.006-04:00

Here's a fan-made video for the song "Zombies" by The King Khan & BBQ Show.

Lyrics:
I don't give a fuck
what you doin' to me
Ain't no reason why
I'm gonna set you free
And I don't give a fuck
if you wanna take your life
Go on and slit your wrists
I'm gonna drink your blood and cry

I don't wanna be alone tonight
I'm gonna walk with the zombies baby
I don't wanna be alone tonight
I'm gonna walk with the zombies baby

Well I don't give a fuck
what you gonna take me for
You wanna make me sick
You gonna lick my open sore
Cause I don't give a shit
about the stuff we live and wear
I just want your flesh
I'm gonna eat it in the air

I don't wanna be alone tonight
I'm gonna walk with the zombies baby
I don't wanna be alone tonight
I'm gonna walk with the zombies baby

If I told you, that you bore me
Would you stand up and ignore me
Would you hate me, masturbate me
And tell your friends how you complete me
If I sold out, by the harbor
Would you cry or want a barber
Try to call me, with your signal
I guess I'll see you at my funeral

I don't wanna be alone tonight
I'm gonna walk with the zombies baby
I don't wanna be alone tonight
I'm gonna walk with the zombies baby

Oh! I don't give a fuck!

III

2010-07-31T22:17:00.000-04:00

‎2 guitars and a suitcase...

2010-07-31T22:04:00.001-04:00

The Lonesome Spurs

Old 97's

2010-07-31T22:00:00.002-04:00

You gotta love a band named after a Johnny Cash song about a train wreck.

Bye, Bye Blue

2010-07-31T21:56:00.000-04:00

More Byrds

2010-07-31T21:55:00.000-04:00

"Just Say Goodbye"- Dave Pike Set

2010-07-31T21:54:00.001-04:00

"Graveyard"

2010-07-31T21:50:00.002-04:00

The Phantom 5 - who hailed from Indiana - perform "Graveyard"

"I Wanna hear 'Caravan' with a drum sola!"

2010-07-31T21:46:00.001-04:00

Li'l Cap'n Travis

2010-06-30T10:58:00.006-04:00

Pure Americana.
Austin's Li'l Cap'n Travis mixes and matches seemingly disconnected genres into an unimaginable yet highly listenable whole.

(via WFMU's Beware of the Blog)

BONUS:
The vintage footage seen in this video is from this 1963 Bicycle Safety Film entitled "One Got Fat".
A group of monkey-masked kids decide to ride their bikes to the park for a picnic. Along the way, one by one, the kids are knocked out of the ride due to careless or unsafe riding.
Narration by Edward Everett Horton of "Fractured Fairytales" (Rocky and Bullwinkle) fame.

My New Favorite Song

2010-06-23T10:57:00.003-04:00

"Hailing from Canada The Sadies have been going at it since 1998. Core members are lead singer/guitarists Dallas and Travis Good, it’s like someone locked them in a room when they were kids with nothing but ventures, byrds, various garage rock records, and two guitars. What came out is damned good. They can play…..buddy can they play. Some of the best b-bender licks since Clarence White invented the damned thing." - A Truer Sound

D.A.C.

2010-06-23T10:53:00.001-04:00

B-Rox in-studio performance

2010-06-23T10:49:00.002-04:00

"I ain't brokedown, I'm just outta gas"

Supersuckers

2010-06-23T10:42:00.002-04:00

"The Brown Sound"

2010-06-23T10:34:00.003-04:00

El Chicano

Happy Birthday Mr. Wilson

2010-06-20T10:15:00.001-04:00

Beach Boy Brian Wilson turns 68.

Fresh Dread had a great Wilson post last year.

Cocksucker Blues

2010-06-12T23:27:00.003-04:00

Cocksucker Blues is an unreleased documentary film directed by Robert Frank chronicling The Rolling Stones' North American tour in 1972 in support of their album Exile on Main Street.

Cast: Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Charlie Watts, Bill Wyman, Mick Taylor, Danny Seymour, Bianca Jagger, Tina Turner, Truman Capote, Stevie Wonder, Andy Warhol, Dick Cavett, Terry Southern, Princess Radziwell, Cynthia Jones, various groupies, roadies and scalpers.

Directed by Robert Frank
Produced by Marshall Chess
Editors: Robert Frank, Paul Justman, Susan Steinberg
Camera: Robert Frank, Danny Seymour
Sound: Danny Seymour

1972, Unreleased; 95 min, color (no video release)

Carpet Cleaning?

2010-04-06T10:53:00.002-04:00

Hick Hop

2010-03-29T00:51:00.005-04:00

"This is a song that fuses 2 musical styles that most people think have very little in common... country & western murder ballads and gangster rap"

Here's another video of theirs from a previous post.
Fresh Dread also had a fine post on this group a few months back.

Suburban Housewife Suzy Jenkins

2010-03-27T00:11:00.001-04:00

Grateful Dead Le Chateau d'Hérouville (a.k.a "The Honky Château) - France June 21, 1971

2010-03-22T11:02:00.000-04:00

The group's most exotic gig in 1971 was a one-shot in France.

"We went over there to do a big festival, a free festival they were gonna have, but the festival was rained out. It flooded. We stayed at this little chateau which is owned by a film score composer who has a 16-track recording studio built into the chateau, and this is a chateau that Chopin once lived in; really old, just delightful, out in the country near the town of Auvers sure Oise, which is where Vincent Van Gogh is buried. …" Garcia said.

"We were there with nothing to do: France, a 16-track recording studio upstairs, all our gear, ready to play, and nothing to do. So, we decided to play at the chateau itself, out in the back, in the grass, with a swimming pool, just play into the hills. We didn't even play to hippies, we played to a handful of townspeople in Auvers. We played and the people came — the chief of police, the fire department, just everybody. It was an event and everybody just had a hell of a time — got drunk, fell in the pool. It was great."

--Jerry Garcia--

Some of the Grateful Dead show at Hérouville were broadcast in France by the "The Second Channel" of the ORTF (French Radio and Television Broadcasting) on the July 24, 1971 edition of the rock program "Pop 2"

Apoohcalypse Now

2010-03-07T17:49:00.003-05:00

a random video in which someone edited clips of Apocalypse Now audio tracks over the old Disney Winnie the Pooh video.

Here's a bonus link for the Apocalypse Now fanatics.

Jeff BecK - Live at Ronnie Scott's

2010-03-05T12:48:00.002-05:00

(58:59)

Gumbasia

2010-02-18T21:25:00.007-05:00

Clay objects of all sizes, shapes and colors contort and reshape themselves to a groovy jazz score in this short film by Art Clokey (creator of Gumby and Davey & Golliath).
The film was screened to a executive at 20th Century Fox,who was so impressed,that he soon after drew up a contract for Clokey to create a series of claymation shorts for children's television.

"Excite your cat day and night with endless enchantment...."

2010-02-17T21:14:00.011-05:00

I love this new ad in all it's splendor of kitty-psychedelia.
Catchy tune too.

Feed the senses -and pass the catnip!

Destination Earth (1956)

2010-02-09T21:55:00.009-05:00

This animated cartoon follows the adventures of "Colonel Cosmic," a Martian, as he learns that Oil and Competition are the two things that make America great. It is a sci-fi-influenced economic tract on the strengths of Earth-style free enterprise economics, compared to a stagnating Mars under the fist of a certain Mr. Ogg, who centrally controls the Martian economy. In the film, a Martian undercover agent flies from Mars to Earth to learn about the oil industry, and finds that the lack of government regimentation and control is what makes our system flourish.

a SUPER commercial

2010-02-09T08:07:00.004-05:00

NYT: Audi's Green Police Ad 'Put the Mental in Environmental'

This is Coffee (1961)

2010-02-05T17:12:00.001-05:00

Are you ready?

2010-01-28T11:00:00.001-05:00

Mudcrutch covers a Byrds' classic

2010-01-28T10:51:00.002-05:00

Mudcrutch is a rock band from Gainesville, Florida best known for being the forerunner of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

Wall Of Voodoo Covers Cash

2010-01-28T08:40:00.001-05:00

Classic 70's Public Service Announcement (PSA) that tells us of the horrors of Cable Television.

2010-01-13T13:15:00.000-05:00

An "Anti-cable" television ad from the 70's (then known as Pay-TV) to discourage viewers to support cable television. Ironically, they encouraged people to support the movie theaters. Just some ploy by Network television companies to eliminate the competition from cable TV.

Dementia (1955)

2010-01-12T17:51:00.005-05:00

"May be the strangest film ever offered for theatrical release." -Variety

Dementia (also released as Daughter Of Horror) is a film noir style romp through a young woman's insanity. There is no dialogue, only the narrator (Ed McMahon) speaks, against a musical backdrop.

The film is perhaps most famous for its appearance in The Blob, where it is the movie playing in the theater when the Blob strikes.

As the narrator invites us to explore the horrors of an insane mind, a young woman wakes from a nightmare in a cheap hotel room. We follow her through the skid-row night and encounters with an abusive husband; a wino; a pimp and the rich man he panders for; a flashback to her traumatic childhood (she killed her father after witnessing him murder her mother); violence; pursuit through dark streets… Again the young woman wakes up. Was it only another nightmare?

(44:08)

Produced by: John Parker
Written & Directed by: Bruno VeSota
Cinematography by: William C. Thompson
Film Editing by: Joseph Gluck
Production Design by: Ben Roseman
New Original Score by: Tom Fahy

Cast:
Adrienne Barrett ... The Gamine
Bruno VeSota ... Rich Man
Ben Roseman ... Gamine's Father / Plainclothes Cop
Richard Barron ... Evil One
Ed Hinkle ... Butler
Lucille Rowland ... Gamine's Mother
Jebbie VeSota ... Flower Girl
Faith Parker ... Nightclub Dancer
Gayne Sullivan ... Wino
Shorty Rogers ... Jazz Musician
Shelley Berman ... Stoned Beatnik
Jonathan Haze ... Character
Angelo Rossitto ... Newsboy

1970 hanna-barbera anti-drug PSA

2010-01-09T14:08:00.002-05:00

Classic 70's Public Service Announcement (PSA) against the use of illegal drugs that was produced by HANNA-BARBERA. TRIPPY!

I have serious doubts that this clip is going to be effective in reducing illegal drug consumption. It might work to convince parents that something is being done about the "drug menace" (which a cynic may argue is the primary role of many anti-drug PSAs).

Quagmire Shares his Feelings with Brian

2009-11-29T12:05:00.005-05:00

The Beverly Hillbillies Episode #46

2009-11-26T02:03:00.001-05:00

"Turkey Day" (1963)

Plans for a holiday feast at the Clampett mansion go awry when Elly May makes a pet of the dinner.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!!!

"Stick Magnetic Ribbons on Your SUV"

2009-11-24T13:54:00.003-05:00

Here's a great music video from The Asylum Street Spankers.

Fresh Dread has a fine post on this band as well. It's a live performance (to stream) - with a link for downloading - and some background on the group.

"Lifelong Giants fan"

2009-11-04T12:01:00.008-05:00

With the Yankees poised to win another championship, what better time to post Bob's homage to the "fair weather fans"?

Soon Yankee gear will be everywhere.

"Tuesday in November" (1945)

2009-11-04T11:55:00.003-05:00

Idealized portrayal of 1944 U.S. presidential election, made to show the world that the United States was sufficiently secure to hold a free and fair election during wartime. Shows campaign activities, efforts to ensure the secrecy of the ballot and fairness of the election, and media coverage of the electoral process, all culminating in a giant nighttime gathering in Times Square where a huge crowd awaits the result. Director: John Houseman.

" Homo Rainbow "

2009-11-02T14:25:00.003-05:00

Entrapment?

2009-11-02T09:12:00.005-05:00

... Just For Laughs

Hippie Helloween!

2009-10-31T14:42:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday Ralph!!!

2009-10-29T14:10:00.004-04:00

Ralph Bakshi (born October 29, 1938(1938-10-29)) is an American director of animated and live-action films. Bakshi established an alternative to mainstream animation through independent and adult-oriented productions.He is best remembered for his film, Fritz the Cat.
While browsing the East Side Book Store on St. Mark's Place, Bakshi came across a copy of Robert Crumb's Fritz the Cat. Impressed by Crumb's sharp satire, Bakshi purchased the book and suggested that it would work as a film.After Bakshi pitched the project to every major Hollywood studio, Warner Bros. bought it and promised an $850,000 budget. Bakshi hired animators he had worked with in the past, including Vita, Tyer, Anzilotti and Nick Tafuri, and began the layouts and animation. The first completed sequence was a junkyard scene in Harlem, in which Fritz smokes marijuana, has sex and incites a revolution.
Here's a favorite clip of mine, from the film:

Fritz: Hello men... everybody all busy studyin' for their goddamn exams and all? Hey Fuz, how'd it go with that Dee Dee chick, huh? She's got some bod' you have to admit... ol' Charlene isn't bad either... like, wow! Heinz, you swine, ol' buddy pig, ya groove behind Alvina and get some kicks tonight, huh?
[Scene fades into black]
Fritz: Bastards... you'd think the goddamn exams was the be-all end-all of existence... the cosmic life-force or somethin'. Can't even say a few decent words to a guy... th' bastards... What a bore... take some bennies an' stay up all night with your face stuck in a bunch of books an' your thumbs up your ass... Yes... yes... I remember the time when it was all very inspiring and enlightening... all this history and literature and sociology shit... You think learning is a really big thing an' you become this big fuckin' intellectual and sit around tryin' ta out-intellectual all the other big fuckin' intellectuals... you spend years and years with your nose buried in these goddamn tomes while out there the world is passin' you by... and all the stuff to see and all th' kicks an' girls are all out there... an' ME, a writer ad a poet who should be havin' adventures an' experiencing all the diversities and paradoxes and ironies of life and passin' over all the roads of the world and digging all the cities and towns and rives and oceans... and making all them chicks!
[Imagines naked woman]
Fritz: As a writer and poet it is my duty to get out there and dig the world... to swing with the whole friggin' scene while there's still time!
[Grabs papers]
Fritz: My farting around days are over! From this day on I shall live every day as if yit were my last! Yes! Yes! I must do it! No more the dreary boring classes, the dismal lectures, the sitting around bullshitting with pretentious fat-assed hippies, no more the books, the spoutings of a bunch of old farts who think they know the whole goddamn score!
[Breathes fire]
Fritz: Oh God! What have I done? I've set all my notes and books and stuff on fire and now I can't study for my exams... I'll flunk out and my folks'll be pissed off as hell... I'll get a blanket... the blanket's on fire. We'd better call the fire department

Fresh Hare

2009-10-23T17:56:00.008-04:00

In this 1942 cartoon, Mountie Elmer Fudd is on the trail of Bugs Bunny who's wanted dead or alive, "preferably dead". Bugs foils Elmer with tricks like the Elmer-shaped snowman. Finally Bugs lets himself be arrested. Elmer takes Bugs back to the log stockade and puts Bugs up before a Mountie firing squad. But Bugs starts singing "Dixie". The stockade becomes a field of cotton, and all the Mounties, including Elmer, turn into singing Negro minstrels!
This is the complete uncensored version.This has the full blackface minstrel-show finale, censored from TV for almost thirty years.
>
The final scene is a spoof of the movie Dixie which is about a Blackfaced preformer.
Below is the trailer for Dixie. Watch for Bing Crosby in blackface!

>

"If It Don't Fit Don't Force It"

2009-10-14T22:00:00.004-04:00

Machinima from Second Life with music from Barrel House Annie.

Via internet archive.

for the beer geeks...

2009-10-13T15:28:00.006-04:00

While wine snobs have blighted the earth for thousands of years (you can bet there was at least one guy curling his lip at the vintage of Jesus’ first and best miracle), beer snobbery is a relatively young art, especially in the U.S.

This is because every beer in the country once tasted exactly the same. Oh sure, there were Bud lovers and MGD aficionados who would swear they could tell the difference, but if you gave them a blind taste test, you’d soon discover they’d just keep asking for another “test taste” until there wasn’t any beer left and they were passed out on your sofa.

Furthermore, beer was considered the balm of the common man, it was not something you swirled in a glass and judged by its “nose.” It was something you swilled from a plastic cup and sometimes shot through your nose.

Then the microbrewery revolution swept the country and soon every abandoned firehouse, bank and shoe factory was outfitted with a vat and turning out every possible form and flavor of beer you could imagine, and some you would rather not.

It was perfectly natural then, with so many different beers to choose from, that a learned cadre of beer experts would appear to explain to the unsophisticated masses what is “good beer” and what “has the nose and character of a harbor-town harlot with a penchant for walking into walls caked with manure.” Thus arrived the beer snob.

Beer Vs. Wine Snobbery

Beer snobbery is less dangerous.
While wine snobs have been around long enough to be nearly universally despised and even hunted for sport in certain parts of the South, beer snobs are so new they’re considered by the general public to be as harmless as those people who carve elaborate sculptures out of Spam—someone to be viewed more with bemusement than with the scope of a high-powered rifle.

The dress is casual.
Wine snobs have a strict dress code involving turtlenecks, glasses designed to sit on the end of one's nose and silk scarves, but a beer snob can pretty much dress anyway he likes. Aside from the snooty expression, a typical beer snob is nearly indistinguishable from your least favorite brother-in-law.

The position doesn’t require a sensitive palate.
In fact, a too-sensitive palate just gets in the way. If a beer snob’s mind is busy trying to decipher a vast array of signals from his tongue, it becomes very difficult for him to think up a clever way to insult a fellow beer snob’s tie.

You don’t need to know what the hell you’re talking about.
The fact of the matter is, no one really knows how to tell a good beer from a bad one. The prestigious Beerophile Digest, for example, will declare McChumley’s Mauled Herring Ale to be “a delightful triumph of art and nature right up there with the pulsating shower head” while the brash Xtreme Brewski Review will assert the same ale to be “the sort of crap drank by hoity-toities who take lots of showers and stuff.”

You don’t have to learn a foreign language.
While a wine snob is expected to speak enough French to enrage a Frenchman, the beer snob only needs to speak enough English to infuriate an Englishman, which only requires slurring, “Hey you remember when we saved your butts from the Germans back in Dubya Dubya Two? Remember that?”

The terminology is simple and straightforward.
For example, the guy who pours the beer is a bartender and not some snooty guy whose title looks suspiciously similar to smellier but is actually pronounced like the cry of a gardener pleasantly surprised while trying to explain the holes in your lawn: “Some mole—yay!”

Enthusiasm and relish are more important than experience and research.
When it comes to rating beers, you don’t need to be able to identify the vintage or know which field the hops were grown in. This would just confuse you. Neither do you need to attend mundane festivals, read a bunch of dreary books or even sample a lot of different beers. All you need is a big helping of enthusiasm and relish, and by that I mean sarcasm and snootiness.

The Wide World of Beers

When you were a teenager you probably thought all beers were just called “beer” or maybe “brewski” if you were feeling technical. But as a beer snob you should be aware that there are many subcategories of beers, in the same way that certain dogs are called “Cocker Spaniels” and “Rat Terriers,” and some large rats are called “Chihuahuas.”

ale: some purists will tell you this English brew is not really beer at all, but these are the same type of people who will tell you that drinking a case of beer in the company of your dog is not a “kick-ass time.”

bitter: this hoppy English stalwart is a favorite among elderly men who smoke pipes, carry change purses and will insist that Field Marshal Rommel was “indeed crafty as a fox, but no match for this cunning English bulldog.”

bock: this German beer is named for the billy goat, because, just like a billy goat, it’s lively, strong and smells like a billy goat.

doppelbock: German for double billy goat. You get the idea.

export: this is a type of beer so awful the locals refuse to drink it, so the brewery ships it off to foreigners who don’t know any better.

fruit: these flavored beers were introduced to appeal to women and certain men who get very defensive when you inform them they are plainly homosexual.

lager: there are those who like to say this light, golden beer is served cold so as to distinguish it from urine, but the truth of the matter is urine also has a much better head.

malt liquor: some will argue this is not beer at all, but let me tell you something: if it tastes like a duck, smells like a duck and makes you walk like a duck, it is probably malt liquor.

porter: this strong beer was named for the rugged laborers who made it popular in Old England and would quite frankly drink billy goat sweat if it got them drunk.

stout: these dark, rich beers are called such because after drinking a dozen of them you will feel stout enough to wrestle all four of the cops by yourself.

trappist: this type of ale is brewed by monks noted for their skill at trapping tourists in their monastery’s overpriced gift shops. They changed their name from trapper to trappist in 1816 when they realized they spoke French and thus needed a fancier title.

The Three Prime Rules of Judging a Beer

1.) Use the proper terminology
Thirty years ago the only terms you needed to express a beer’s character were “tastes great” and “less filling.” The microbrew explosion, however, made it necessary to invent literally hundreds of new adjectives to explain how great or non-filling a beer truly is. Fortunately, you won’t have to memorize most of them because most are fake words that drunk beer experts made up on the spot and probably winced at when they saw them in print later. What else can explain why grown men are using words like Chlorophenolic, Balling Degrees, Sparge and Kräusening to describe something that can be purchased in the form of a Party Ball?

Brewmaster: So, what do you think of our delicious new Squashed Sulfur Beetle Stout?

Drunk Beer Expert: S’at what this is? Thought I axidenally drank from the bar’s fuckin’ soap bucket.

Brewmaster: What was that?

Drunk Beer Expert: I said I really dig its barzfookanzope bouquet.

Brewmaster: Oh! And that’s a good thing, right?

Drunk Beer Expert: Kiddin’ me? Barzfookanzope is Upper Bavarian for chlorophenolic!

Brewmaster: Oh! And that’s a good thing, right?

In fact, the only terms you really need to know are nutty, worty, fruity, hoppy, grainy, mouthy, sulpheristical, pine-needley, and bodacious. What do they mean? No one knows for sure. The important thing it to use as many of them as possible when you rate a beer. For example, you should never just say, “This beer is worty.” Instead you should say, “I find the wortiness of this beer fruity yet mouthy, with pine-needley undertones of sulpheristicallity, bodaciousamentally speaking.”

2.) Employ all of your senses.
If you taste a beer and think, “Gee, that tastes good,” do not say so. Use every pretentious bone in your body to resist even the slightest sign of enjoyment. Just because a beer tastes good does not mean it is good. You must bring into play your other four senses to make a proper judgement.

Sight: Look at the beer’s label. If you can see little gold medals, describe the beer as “a shining avatar lesser beers aspire to.” Do you see foreign words? If they look European, call the beer a “traditional, old-country stalwart.” If the words look like the symbols used in the funny pages in place of curse words, label the beer “an exotic wayfarer with delightful stories to tell.” If the label has a singing fish, dancing moose or any other sort of animal doing something an animal does not normally do, call it “a brash upstart with a lot to prove.”

Sound: Have you heard anyone else talking about the beer? If you have, try to cover your bases by incorporating as many of these opinions into your judgement as possible: “Yes, it’s the one in the green bottle, but on the other hand, it goes for six bucks a sixer at the Liquorama up on Fifth Street, right across the street from the Conoco Station with the hot chick working the register.”

Feel: Do you feel the brewery rep standing nearby will reward a good rating with free stuff? If so, upgrade your evaluation according to how much free stuff you think you might get. Thus, a merely decent beer may become “a mind-boggling triumph,” a bad one transforms into “a powerful new statement” and something that could pass as window cleaner ascends to “a real up and comer.” You don’t have to tell the rep it will be “up and coming” the next time you visit the rest room.

Smell: Does the beer smell foreign, or, in beer expert parlance, skunky? Foreigness is a good thing because foreign countries are farther away and the farther away a brewery is the better the beer tastes. Especially if says Export on the label, because foreigners don’t want to embarrass their country and thus only export the really good stuff.

3.) When in doubt, speak in tongues.
To express an unqualified opinion of a beer is akin to waving a big flag at the enemy, so they know exactly where to shoot. If you are unsure about the quality of a beer because you can’t see the label and are not sure if the rep is going to give you free stuff, you have to deliver an opinion so obtuse onlookers won’t know if you’re complimenting the beer or plan on using it to poison the rats in your cellar.

Instead of saying, “I guess it’s sorta okay,” you should say: “Seems its pompitude has been finely demastered in a congenial sort of way, yet its essence disambiguates the fustification of its mischarateristics to the degree I wonder about the referentialability of the primal dewortnicity, if I may paraphrase famed beer critic Baron Von Troutenmyer.”

It’s hard to disagree with a man you can’t understand, though they might try. If a competing beer snob tries to draw you out from behind your brilliant smokescreen by saying, “Hate to disagree, but I think the dewortitude terrifically interpolative and fusticating with character,” glower at him for an instant and say in a very stiff tone, “Funny, I could have swore I just said that.”

Another safe tactic is to compare the beer with one that doesn’t actually exist. Because the beer ranks swell every week, even the most knowledgeable of beer experts won’t call you out, for fear of appearing “out of the loop.” So instead actually stating an opinion of a beer, say it is “a lot like The Abandoned Shoe Factory Brewery’s new Soothsucker Pine Sap Ale, in the sense that they’re completely different.”

Types of Beer Snobs

Deciding you want to be a beer snob is not enough. You also have to decide what sort of beer snob you want to be.

The Beer Fuehrer
This curmudgeonly gentlemen will declare he would rather guzzle urine than drink what he considers “bad beer.” And by bad he means any beer that comes in a can, has commercials on television, or has been heard of by more than fifty people. He can only pity the poor fools who sit in bars drinking the swill disgorged by the vast corporate vats, when they could be drinking swill produced in much smaller ones.

The Hops Head
The power-crazed Dr. Frankenstein of beer snobs, this wretched soul has descended so deeply into the pit of snobbery he has convinced himself that the vile liquid (he will call it something akin to Super Duper Black Cherry Berry Power Porter) he concocted in his basement is not only non-poisoness, but superior to the stuff it took monks 50 generations to perfect. One caveat: the longer and more grandiose the title of his obscene creation, the more likely it will be good for poisoning the rats in your cellar.

The Beer Geek
The beer world equivalent of a Trekkie, this fan is forever making pilgrimages to far flung festivals and conventions, will belong to any number of beer associations (and wears the T-shirts to prove it) and has never had sex with a woman where there wasn’t money involved. Beards are common and they have a powerful fetish for steins.

The Beer Lover
These are the Rex Reeds of the beer snob community. They have never met a beer that was not “gorgeously fabulous” or “fabulously gorgeous.” The closest they ever come to a bad review is when they mistake the glass of water used to clear the palate for beer, and even then they’ll give it three stars and declare it “a promising new light lager worth keeping your eye on.”

Interacting with Other Beer Snobs
While it’s perfectly fine and extremely pleasurable to rabidly denounce whatever swill your non-beer snob acquaintances are slopping down their gauche gullets, you must carefully weigh each word when amongst your own.

You will probably meet them at a beer club meeting. Beer snobs are generally very eager to form beer clubs, partly to discuss new beers, but mostly because their regular friends won’t drink with them any more.

At these meetings members are expected to present their “discoveries.” A discovery is an exciting new beer you introduce to your fellow beer snobs. If a fellow beer snob introduces a new beer to you, however, it is not called a discovery. It is called a travesty.

When judging another fellow’s travesty, don’t worry about the taste so much as to where the fellow is situated on the Beer Snob Ladder. Those above you should be treated with grudging deference. Those below are to be condescended to in the manner of a weary yet indulgent grown-up patting the head of a simple-minded yet well-meaning mongoloid child eager to show off yet another shiny and utterly worthless object that caught one of his unattractively bulging eyes.

You should save your vast stores of vitriol for those sharing the same rung as you, for you cannot ascend the ladder unless you plant a foot firmly upon their credibility.

When one of your rung mates foolishly encourages you to try one of his new travesties, smile agreeably, take a sip, then act as if a bug just flew into your mouth. After letting your dismay register with the club, turn your head discreetly and spit into your handkerchief. Subtlety is key. Do not behave as if the bug is a giant dung beetle, but rather a common housefly that has spent the day joyfully wallowing in billy goat manure. Deliver the coup de grace by muttering, “Well, that was certainly interesting.” In the parlance of the beer snob, interesting roughly translates into “One large step below Satan’s venereal urine.”

When it’s your turn to present a discovery, be keenly aware the act is the beer snob equivalent of wagging your testicles between the bars of the Mongoose Cage at feeding time. Rivals will do their level best to defame and discredit you, which is why you must immediately distance yourself as far from your discovery as possible. Act as if it were a hideously deformed orphan you found wandering the streets and, out of the goodness of your heart, are just trying to make a few introductions so it can possibly secure a future position as grave digger or bell ringer. Make sure you damn it to the degree that any response at all will seem unmitigated praise. Then, once you get a fingerhold, start suggesting that your orphan might not only be suitable for a grave digger position, but the head grave digger position.

You: “Don’t be alarmed. It may seem a horrid wretch, but given a chance it might just reveal itself as being merely disgusting.”

Rival Beer Snob: “Well, you’re dead on about its horridly disgusting wretchedness, but I once ate a large beetle that tasted only slightly better.”

You: “Funny you should say that! Because noted beer expert Sir Edward Edwardsbottom declared this very beer to have the potential of an especially large and ambitious dung beetle.”

Rival Beer Snob: “Dung beetle, yes, that makes sense, I—"

You: “Do you really think it that ambitious and promising? I must say, there is something rather large and bombastic about it. Why, you’ve given me a new appreciation of this bold brew. Though perhaps not as enthusiastic as you, I think it may be a real up and comer!”

—Frank Kelly Rich ( Modern Drunkard)

1959 Bel Air vs. 2009 Malibu

2009-10-10T22:11:00.003-04:00

The following clip makes its way here from MC (via Adam).
This is only a test! - yet the images are quite disturbing, and not for the squeamish or faint of heart.
Viewer discretion is STRONGLY advised.

VIEW VIDEO

via LiveLeak

Hep Cat Symphony

2009-10-10T21:48:00.006-04:00

This 1949 Noveltoon short is a variation on the age-old cat versus mouse theme.
A group of mice living within the walls of a house forms an orchestra. However, the music disturbs the jazz musician cat who also lives there, so the cat sets out to eliminate the mice.
GREAT music...REDUNDANT "Tom and Jerry" plot - worth a look/listen. Enjoy!

Star Trek Meets Monty Python

2009-10-10T21:17:00.002-04:00

This vid should satisfy a whole lotta geeks!